Religion 101: To God or not To God

TF (see Cast of Characters for definition) was not remotely “religious” during my childhood.  They aren’t “religious” now either for that matter.  Just recently there was a big outburst at the TF casa about religion.  We had just finished the before dinner prayer – yes the family that is not religious still thanks God for dinner.  We were having this casual 10 second conversation about God when my Dad shouts out “WE ARE NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT RELIGION OR POLITICS AT MY DINNER TABLE!” The room fell silent.

There is a long line of wise-asses in my family – I am one of them.

So, I said “What the hell are we going to talk about now?”

We all continued the meal peacefully eating cheeseburgers as I recall.

Oh, I have digressed.  Back to the story.

By not religious I mean they do not go to any church – not even for Christmas or Easter. But they do believe in a higher power.  They just don’t put their higher power in a “denomination” box.

That freedom of my childhood led to what I  call “Religious Exploration” during my grown-up years.  I have always felt the freedom to explore which ever religion I could google up.  On the flip side of that freedom is also the feeling of isolation or not belonging – a feeling of being left out of some great secret known only to those who grew up immersed in their religions or beliefs. When to stand, when to sit, when to kneel, when to run out the door screaming – all secrets.

I distinctly remember going to Sunday school with a neighbor and when they asked us all to turn to John 1:3 – all I could think of is “What page is that on?”  I never found the page and I never went back to Sunday school.

The first time I recall talking to God (put in “higher power” if the G-word offends you) was 2 or 3 days into Navy bootcamp.  Talking to God comforted me greatly.  I felt I could really talk to Him and He was listening.  I thought of Him often  while being screamed at about hospital corners on my bunk.

I have tried on many many different denominations – most mainstream some not.  All had their interesting ways about them.  None fit quite right – but that does not mean I have stopped searching.  On the contrary, my MLC has led to even further exploration of the religions of the world.

First a little run down on religions or denominations I have “tried” on:

1.  Seventh-Day Adventist – Biggest deal with them on the surface is that they go to church on Saturday. Which is good if you like your Sundays free for NFL football games – not so good if you are a NCAA football fan.  I went an SDA church for maybe a month or two back in the late 90s.  The first day I went was the pastor’s last day…. I went back a couple of more times but always felt extremely awkward there.

2.  I went to a non-denominational church for a bit after that – cannot recall the name but they did meet in a high school auditorium.  I was baptized by their pastor – I was very fearful of going to hell and was sure that was one of the tickets I had to get punched to stay away from the hot flamey place.

3.  Methodist – I went to Texas Weslyan College after the Navy intent on doing some good with a “religious” degree.  That idea lasted one semester.  Several events coincided to change my mind about being a Methodist and getting a “religious” degree.  First I realized there wasn’t any money in a religious degree and at the time I was very very poor so money was very important.  Second, the Methodist church I went to all seemed very Republican – many of the congregation were very much for the war in Iraq.  I was pretty sure I didn’t lean in either of those directions so I really just fell out.

4. Non-Denominational Church with a Baptist feeling and a rock band – this church held my attention the longest.  I enjoyed the messages and the music was great.  One day while sitting there listening to the band or was it the pastor – I got to thinking about that little boy in the Amazon rain forest and how he didn’t know about Jesus because he lived so far in the jungle  and the missionaries had not reached him yet and he was a good little kid but just hadn’t heard the “good news” and one day he fell out of a tree and died and went to hell because the missionaries hadn’t reached him yet.  Soon after that one of the pastors preached “if you don’t believe this you must be insane”.  Damn. You just called me crazy.  I didn’t go back.

5. Baha’i Faith – This faith is still near and dear to my heart.  But they have rules and lots of them.  One says I have to pray 95 times a day after I wash my hand and face while facing toward a tomb in Israel. I haven’t given up on this faith but I work 8 hours in a cubicle and I have problem skin already. Vain? probably.

6. Buddhism – not a religion but a philosophy with about a thousand or so variations. Big thing = being “in the moment” – what if I hate the moment I am in – do I really want to be in the moment then?  And what if the next moment sucks too?

Now you have a quick run down of where my explorations have taken me.  But I am not through yet.  I haven’t found the one that just clicks for me.  Maybe I never will. Maybe I am not meant to.  Maybe it’s the journey not the destination.

Up next on the Religious Exploration:

Unitarian Unversalist

MLC-Day

July 8th, 2009 – MLC Day (Mid-Life Crisis Day)

I became 39 years old on July 8th and promptly had/am having a mid-life crisis (forever known from here forward as MLC).  Actually, it started a few days before that but I am certain the cause was my up coming birthday.   It happened 1 day after the start of my vacation and ruined the whole thing.  The affect of my MLC?  I have lost my mind.

• My once tolerable “cubicle-nation” job has become unbearable to the point of tears most days

• My faith – in it’s infancy anyway wandered away and left me searching for a new one.  Be prepared for an upcoming long winded entry on religions of the world – most of which I have tried at least once.

In the span of a few days my life turned upside down.  The questions kept pouring out of the deep recesses of my brain.

• What is my purpose?

• What am I meant to do?

• Am I really meant to keep plugging away at a job where only the lawyers are pleased?

• Isn’t life more than sitting in a soul sucking cubicle 8+ hours a day while my brain rots through sheer boredom?

• How long can I last without my soul?

• Is it a good idea to numb the craziness with medication?

• What does God want me to do?

• What does Buddha want me to do?

• What does my dog want me to do?

• What do I want to do?

• I survived cancer for this?

And really there are a thousand more questions swirling around in my brain.

So, I did what any MLC crazed person would do – I started a blog.

Welcome to “Enlightened? Who? Me?”

We are fully in the trenches of my MLC.